The Pengy Tumblr The whims and waffs of Julie "Pengys" Life

Journal—My Healing Journey:

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!  Delighted to update my health condition as requested. This month, I have started a journal of my healing journey and glad to share my journey with you. I am a journal junky.  I started a pray journal three years ago and now I am addicted to it. What do I write? My conversation with God, reflection of a bible text or chapter, prayer requests and a very short diary.

UPDATE: (January 15, 2009)
Last week was my third round of chemo.  Normally the first 7 days after that, I get sick, nauseated, weak, zero appetite. As the chemical wears off, I feel better.  By the third week, I am stronger but then its time for chemo again. Praying that my good cells are strong to fight for survival. The side effects are long lasting.

Good news., the “Tumor or Cancer” is shrinking.  My oncologist and I are very pleased and we both said “WOW!!” I screamed “Hallelujah! THANK YOU GOD’! Amazing grace!

“Bald is beautiful!” I freaked out when I was forced to shave my head a month ago. I had all the symptoms of pulmonary embolism. Because of DVT, I am on blood thinner. I panicked. I checked in at ER just to make sure. Thanks God I was OK. It took me a while to get use to my new hair style.  Once, I put on my shower cap when I took shower, forgetting I did not have hair. Charlene and I laughed our bellies off. The American Cancer Society donated a couple of cute wigs and a friend donated a couple of sexy wigs. I am crazy about wearing hats now. My sis in Sabah sent me “tudung” head gear, a hot style in Malaysia for Moslem women. I can pretend.

I am losing weight and taking Ensure as a supplement. Losing a little bit of weight is a good idea - will give a sexy look. I was told, sugar feeds cancer so I have to be careful. My WBC and RBC are low and been given drug to boost the bone marrow to produce more blood. I have been reading books on diet.

Last Sat. night, Helen (my cousin), Mike(her husband) and Miclen (their son, a very talented violinist) came over and cook for Charlene and me.  How sweet!  Too bad they live in Redland. I could gain weight from their yummy cooking. Marrianna and Carmen also cooked delicious vege soup. Thank you all.

My body is going through trauma.  I feel I am at war zone, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and socially. Its a roller coaster, “one minute your are up, the next minute you are plunging to the ground”.

I detest when someone comes to me and comment, ‘You have all the time, being at home, ….”.  Welcome to my sick world! Step on my shoes and wear them. I rather be healthy, normal, teaching, chasing my preschoolers, not miss singing in the choir and etc.. etc. then home being labelled “doing nothing Cancer patient”. I am a busy office manager, book keeper, secretary, researcher, a student, a mother, a friend, a housekeeper and a hard core patient. I thank Charlene for being a navigator, support and a loving care giver and sweet daughter.  I would not be able to go through this trauma alone. I thank all my sweet friends, church family and family their love and prayers. Most of all to Almighty God for giving me the strength to survive.

I see beyond the frightening word “Cancer” that had caused  unexpected interruption in my life. I see God intervening my life. I am not going to imprison my self with deadly thought.  I am a CANCER SURVIVOR.  I am immersed in the healing and purification light of God. See Isa 58:8, Matt 9:22.    Please continue to pray. Its my weapon.  Let us not let Satan win.                                        


RECALLING:  October 20, 2008.  Monday morning, I told my boss, I was going to see my doctor for a follow up of my left legs that was extremely swollen.  Dr. Kyun suggested I check in to the ER, pronto! STAT! I never got to go home that day. I was admitted to Garden Grove Hospital. Something was terribly wrong with me. I also had  big masses on my left lower abdomen and near the umbilical cord. The ER chief, Dr. Nadler, an Adventist, attends my church, and a father of one of our Preschool student. Coincidence?  No, God had work it out for me.

Dr. Nadler examined my swollen leg and palpated the masses and I see a horrid look on his face. He suspected DVT (blood clot) on my leg but the mass -I have to go through series of tests to determined the diagnosis. I already have a hunch it is the dreaded disease “Cancer”.  All afternoon, the nursing staff were busy taking blood test, setting up IVs, X-rays, ultrasound, EKG, vital signs. Oh yes, don’t forget CT scan and biopsy. Heparin drip, heart monitor and bone marrow test. I was hospitalized for 6 days.

How do I break the news to my family, friends and colleagues and especially to Charlene why I was hospitalized?  Excruciating thought!  What about my prognosis? Waiting for the result of the biopsy is like waiting for a verdict, live or die. I have oceans of feelings and questions-like why me?  What did  I do to deserve this?  I run 2 miles 3 times a week.? I go to church, read the Bible, pray faithfully? Denial and disbelief!

October 22—”You have NHL - Non Hodgkin Lymphoma-B cell. Thanks God it is not an Ovarian Cancer” my attending doctor said. I was in total shock.  I could not breath! I don’t want to be a cancer victim. I wanted to scream.  Why!  Yesterday I was normal, today I am a cancer patient survivor. I feel traumatized!

How do I tell Charlene?  Please God, help me and comfort Charlene. We cried and hug together but I know her FEAR - the fear of the unknown. Charlene’s eyes are puffy and red. Will I loose my mom too?  My precious family are all in Malaysia. I felt alone in a foreign country without a support of immediate family. I wanted to be protected. I wanted my Papa and Ina to comfort me. My parents passed away 7 years ago. I wanted my little sis to hug me and talk to me face to face. It took me two weeks before I had the courage to tell my family in Malaysia. I sensed the worst worry in my sis’ voice.  Maybe she was shaking and in disbelief too. I told her, not to worry, “the medical is so advance here.” I explained to her, while cancer is a very serious disease, Lymphoma at Stage 2 is very curable.

Miracle happened! God gave me peace.  When I trusted in divine power, the answers were right there. Mat 7:7. ”Seek and you will find”…..TO BE CONTINUED

Love om gapus (hug)
Julie Gibbs