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JOURNAL - HEALING JOURNEY: PASS OR FAIL?

October 11-24, 2009: Two weeks of incredible healing journey experience- invited by Aunt Swiftley Gonzalez, to her home in Millerville, TN. I was totally mesmerized by Octoberfest of vibrant autumn colors. Enjoyed a loving family southern hospitality and sightseeing adventure. I came home stronger, blessed, determined to recover, rejuvenate my energy to positive and fight to survive.

Two days after returning home, I had to do routine PET Scan again. The result of that scan was very grim.  Residual of lymph nodes were seen on my neck. Too tiny to be biopsied, I have to wait for 5 to 6 months for another scan. This was not an easy wait. What if  ….? I was counting worries instead of counting blessings. Closer to God when in doubts?. YES, God is control. I can’t ask for better and devoted pray warriors who persistently never gave up.

A makeshift altar, a sacred place I created in my room is where I meditate, and talk to my Shepherd and receive His daily gifts to me. It connects me to my Creator, the Great Physician, Sovereign Lord, to give me strength and courage. It is my refuge.

April 9, 2010: My third CT SCAN.  When I told Mark, the technician, that  I am a Christian, he was impressed to pray for me. We shared our strong faith and trust in God. It gave me peace and the assurance that God was merciful and loving.

April 14, 2010: Time for routine follow up with my health provider. Fear of the unknown  crept to my mind again. I was freaking out, anxious over the result. Will it be—Pass or Fail? The NP approached me with twinkling eyes and smile on her face. She gave me a hug and said “Julie, everything is all right”. Sweet. Deep sigh of relief, tears of joy.
Overwhelmed with happiness, I asked if she would kneel down with me to thank God. She did not take me seriously but the staff were clapping and congratulating. I texted my daughter immediately and she texted me back “I told you so, Mom!” What did she mean? She had Faith! More tears…we are both survivors. We fought together. Thank you, Charlene.

April 16,2010: My birthday, the best Birthday gift — the interpretion of Radiologist: “WHOLE BODY CT PET SCANNING IS NORMAL AT THIS TIME. THERE iS NO PATHOLOGIC METABOLIC ACTIVITY”. Privately, approaching God on my altar, I celebrated my birthday and healing, with our Sovereign Lord with His host of angels. My imagination took me to a birthday party and dancing with Jesus, looking into His face and whisper in His ear, “THANK YOU son of God. for healing me, physically and spiritually.” As the song says, “The voices of million angels cannot describe my GRATITUDE, for what God has done for me. To GOD BE THE GLORY!!. Amen

The future? I surrender all to God. I will strive to be “today’’ person and not trap by ‘yesterday’. Like the grass by the seaside, blasted by the strong storm,”willing to bend but reluctant to break”. Get my life back and enjoy what God has to offer. Move on to new chapter.

My sincerest GRATITUDE to ALL, my sweet friends, loving family, church family, Sunrise Christian preschool teachers and my cute students, OAA Kindergartens and First Grades and all the teachers, whoever, wherever you are, saints, for your prayers, encouragement and thoughts. You are my rock.  Thanks for Kris Carr, my inspiration. By reading her book “Crazy, Sexy Cancer Survivor” and watching her inspiring movie, taught me to believe that I am a Survivor from day one.

Our collective faith prevail. Thank you doctors, nurses and medical staff for your care. Because of you ALL and our Mighty God, I survived. The result is “PASS” with highest  honor. The honor belong to God.

With love and hug,

Julie Gibbs

Healing Journey Update  ( June 08. 2009 )

My dear Family and Friends:

After eight sessions of excruciating Chemotherapy treatments I had a PET-CT Scan and MRI of my whole body for the evaluation of my treatments.

The day I met with my oncologist for the result, my mind was overwhelmed with emotions. Victory or failure? I prayed for a calm spirit as I prepared to receive the result. I felt like a child and wished for someone to hold my trembling hands. Those few moments were eternal.

Finally, Dr. Afrasiabi looked at me and said. “I am very pleased with the result. You have nothing to worry about because the CANCER IS GONE. Go praise God”. Yeah! Jump for joy!  Giant AH-HA moment. I am a CANCER SURVIVOR! Praise our Merciful God. Amazing Grace. Miraculous healing.

Driving home in my car that afternoon, I cried tears of gratitude to God. What an awesome God, a Mighty Physician. He has answered all our collective prayers. To reaffirm my spiritual renewal and praises to God, I fasted and offered thanks offering. He alone can breath new life into our soul.

For extra precaution, my doctor chose to put me on a daily Radiation Therapy  for a month. I have consulted my Radiation Oncology doctor so I am all set for Radiation treatment. I am not looking forward to the side effects of it because I am still suffering from all the side effects of chemo. There are other tests yet to be done.

For seven long months, I have been the center of attention, prayers and concern. I  felt so loved and special. Now, you all are the center of my thought and affection. I will pass on your kindess and goodness to some one in need. Thank you for going through thick and thin with me. You have been compassionate when I hurt and helpless. Without you and God, I would have not made it. I ask God to bless you abundantly in return. You deserve it.

I am going to CELEBRATE LIFE and looking forward to do fun things that I missed during my sickness. God blessed me with another chance to live and a new beginning. Being delivered from a “fiery furnace” built my faith, made me a stronger person although still vulnerable to failure and discouragement. I know God has a plan for me and I will continue to seek his guidance to do His will. With God’s grace, I want to be a better mother, a trusted friend, a good citizen, and a loving and compassionate child of God.

I thank my daughter, Charlene for her strong support and being a loving and patient care giver. We will always be praying for each other, sick or well. Promise!! You are in my altar of love. Keep in touch with your words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me.

Thank you again for your love and continued prayers.

Much, much love,
Julie Gibbs

Dear Family and Friends:

The Healing Journey Continues On.

It’s finally over! No more chemotherapy, as for now.  I have had enough of them, eight grueling sessions, and I would run so far away if they ever put anymore toxic in my vein again. Not that it did not do me any good. On the contrary it did lots of miracles and helped me heal, and got rid of the nasty, deadly tumor. (I have faith, it did),

Right now I am suffering from the cumulative side effects of the treatment. Many times, my WBC and RBC dropped dangerously low, severely nauseated, fatigue and lack of energy. Even my toe nails turned dark and threatened to come off.

There were times when I almost fell apart. But by the grace of God and because of  your prayers I stood positive, pulled myself together and reached my goal - be a cancer survivor. God preserved my life. Yippe-eh! Amen!!

I have PET Scan, MRI and Radiation is scheduled this month. My doctor tells me, the tumor should all be gone but we can’t tell for sure until the scans and tests are all done. God is in charge.

I celebrated my birthday on April 16th, truly emotional when birthday song was sang by my friends—it was a song of victory of life for many big and small reasons. Thanks to my girlfriends for making my birthday special.

Charlene, continues on as my sweet super care giver. This semester, she is taking scuba diving class in her college for her PE. After three open water scuba diving at Catalina, she will be a certtiified scuba diver, following the footsteps of her late Dad. You go girl!! I am proud of you.

Here I am, still standing in the midst of your prayer for what is ahead of me, radiation, detoxification and getting physically strong. Pray for multiplication of healthy cells. I still approach my altar space, as my place to reflect and get my strength, courage. inner peace and express my gratitude to our awesome God.

I welcome any suggestions of  how to detoxify or and healing diet tips. As soon as, I am out my Coumadin (blood thinner) regiment, I will juice more green and consume more plant protein.

We were “born to live one exceptional life” my friend’s card said. I believe we all can face the future with out fear when God is with us.  Our healing journey goes on. Thank you with all my heart for journeying with me lovingly.
My dream—a delicious cancer-free life!!

With love and grateful heart,
Julia Gibbs

March 15, 2009 


JOURNAL OF HEALING

Welcome to my journal of healing. Since my last update, I have added another section (on a separate journal book) to my Pray Journal, call “Gratitude Journal”.  I list everything, big or small that I am thankful for, in the morning or before I go to bed. I focus and reflect on what I have, blessing or answers to prayers. So (for example)  instead of praying, “please let my cancer go away,”, I say, “thank you for health, blessings and happiness”. 

UPDATE:
I have now completed five sessions of  aggressive chemotherapy. I have three more to go. It has been grueling experiences. I am on three weeks cycle. Little time for the body  to recuperate.Thanks to Zofran, an anti-emetic drug that helps me from being nauseated and neupogen shots to boost my bone marrow to reproduce white blood cells. Sometimes my WBC and RBC is dangerously low. Most of the time, Charlene is with me during treatment and she give me comfort. She does her homework. I sit on a reclining chair with my pillow and favorite blanket for 5 to 7 hours for 2 days. I bring books with me, write or listen to music from Charlene’s i-pod. Sometimes too sick to do anything. But always inspired and encouraged by your prayers and loving thought.

I am still on Coumadin (blood thinner) and its been hard to be on “green” juice diet, because of  their Vit K. content. I am learning a lot about cancer diet through books and internet. China Study is one of them.

My doctor have requested PET/CT Scan. I was told this machine is excellent in scanning my  full body for any traces of tumor.  I will update you with result.

MY ALTAR:
The newest  project that I created is my Sacred Altar. I got this inspiring, brilliant idea from Kris Carr by reading her best-selling book ”Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor’.  She is my hero, a super rare-cancer survivor. She did a documentary film of her journey.

My makeshift altar is the top of my  dresser. It is covered with a “sarong’ that I used to carry Charlene up, slung to my body when she was a baby. Everything on the altar has meaning and reflects power for myself. I have a power bowl that holds precious treasures and special gifts from family and friends. Photographs of my family and friends, cards from special people, picture of Jesus the good shepherd, Bible promises.  Each sacred object tell stories, feeling and connection, carries its own unique and precious energy. Like Kris, “at my altar, my  feeling opens to receive nourishment, to celebrate, to mourn, to receive and to give, to be with myself”. It is there that I pray for guidance and inner peace to carry on. Meditating and praying intimately to our Mighty God for healing. I lift my financial burden, my future and my precious daughter in His care. God allows me to cry, to be sad and angry. But He is never far away to comfort me. Holy spirit and angels are with me.

I imagine God’s love wrap around me like a blanket warm and snugly. Also, I imagine  being kept in God’s pocket near His heart. and I hear the rhythm of his heart beat and I feel so secure in His everlasting love.


I AM GRATEFUL:
My dear family and friends, I owe it to you all. Mark 7:7 “Seek and you will find….”  I found SpiritFruit Love and Kindness from my family scattered all over USA.  My precious daughter, my co-survivor, has been challenged emotionally, went through deep sense of helplessness. I feel her pain. Our motto, “YOUR MAMA IS A FIGHTER” hung on the wall, challenge us.  Masnie, my little sister, in Malaysia stays until 1:00 AM every Sat. night, sharing sweet sisterly talk via Skype and pray the most sincere, heartfelt prayer in our language. My niece and cousins visit and cook for me. Family lend their helping hand by their contribution in monetary

My heartfelt appreciation to my precious best girl friends who are with me through thick and thin. God opened their hearts overflowing with kindness and love. They are the answers to my prayers providing me comfort. They made delicious soup, bought groceries, sent special breakfast, made loaf, brought beautiful flowers, carrot  juice, Ensure, soy milk and many more. Friends from all over the world sent me hopeful e-mail, encouraging and promising to pray. Beautiful cards continues to come. Phone calls. Provided transportation and stayed with me during my therapy. You all are the best. I can never repay your kindness but God will.

When I hit rock-bottom financially, my church, Garden Grove SDA church is incredibly generous in helping me pay my rent. Church family is always warm, keeping me in their prayers. Coworkers at Orangewood Academy donated their Medical Leave pay towards my salary. Last but not least, my choir family, they boost my immune system, always praying, warm and loving and blessing to sing with. I am grateful to God for being the great Healer and provider of miracles.

I have so much to be thankful. For cancer is so limited….
It cannot cripple love,
it cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
it cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot steal God’s gifts of eternal life,
It cannot quench the Holy Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.
———Author Unknown

THROUGH PRAYER, GOD MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE, POSSIBLE. Keep on praying.

My sincere thanks.

Love

Julie Gibbs

PS:  Charlene had her first open water scuba diving at Catalina Is. last Friday. She is taking Scuba diving Class at Fullerton College. I am proud of her.

Journal—My Healing Journey:

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!  Delighted to update my health condition as requested. This month, I have started a journal of my healing journey and glad to share my journey with you. I am a journal junky.  I started a pray journal three years ago and now I am addicted to it. What do I write? My conversation with God, reflection of a bible text or chapter, prayer requests and a very short diary.

UPDATE: (January 15, 2009)
Last week was my third round of chemo.  Normally the first 7 days after that, I get sick, nauseated, weak, zero appetite. As the chemical wears off, I feel better.  By the third week, I am stronger but then its time for chemo again. Praying that my good cells are strong to fight for survival. The side effects are long lasting.

Good news., the “Tumor or Cancer” is shrinking.  My oncologist and I are very pleased and we both said “WOW!!” I screamed “Hallelujah! THANK YOU GOD’! Amazing grace!

“Bald is beautiful!” I freaked out when I was forced to shave my head a month ago. I had all the symptoms of pulmonary embolism. Because of DVT, I am on blood thinner. I panicked. I checked in at ER just to make sure. Thanks God I was OK. It took me a while to get use to my new hair style.  Once, I put on my shower cap when I took shower, forgetting I did not have hair. Charlene and I laughed our bellies off. The American Cancer Society donated a couple of cute wigs and a friend donated a couple of sexy wigs. I am crazy about wearing hats now. My sis in Sabah sent me “tudung” head gear, a hot style in Malaysia for Moslem women. I can pretend.

I am losing weight and taking Ensure as a supplement. Losing a little bit of weight is a good idea - will give a sexy look. I was told, sugar feeds cancer so I have to be careful. My WBC and RBC are low and been given drug to boost the bone marrow to produce more blood. I have been reading books on diet.

Last Sat. night, Helen (my cousin), Mike(her husband) and Miclen (their son, a very talented violinist) came over and cook for Charlene and me.  How sweet!  Too bad they live in Redland. I could gain weight from their yummy cooking. Marrianna and Carmen also cooked delicious vege soup. Thank you all.

My body is going through trauma.  I feel I am at war zone, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and socially. Its a roller coaster, “one minute your are up, the next minute you are plunging to the ground”.

I detest when someone comes to me and comment, ‘You have all the time, being at home, ….”.  Welcome to my sick world! Step on my shoes and wear them. I rather be healthy, normal, teaching, chasing my preschoolers, not miss singing in the choir and etc.. etc. then home being labelled “doing nothing Cancer patient”. I am a busy office manager, book keeper, secretary, researcher, a student, a mother, a friend, a housekeeper and a hard core patient. I thank Charlene for being a navigator, support and a loving care giver and sweet daughter.  I would not be able to go through this trauma alone. I thank all my sweet friends, church family and family their love and prayers. Most of all to Almighty God for giving me the strength to survive.

I see beyond the frightening word “Cancer” that had caused  unexpected interruption in my life. I see God intervening my life. I am not going to imprison my self with deadly thought.  I am a CANCER SURVIVOR.  I am immersed in the healing and purification light of God. See Isa 58:8, Matt 9:22.    Please continue to pray. Its my weapon.  Let us not let Satan win.                                        


RECALLING:  October 20, 2008.  Monday morning, I told my boss, I was going to see my doctor for a follow up of my left legs that was extremely swollen.  Dr. Kyun suggested I check in to the ER, pronto! STAT! I never got to go home that day. I was admitted to Garden Grove Hospital. Something was terribly wrong with me. I also had  big masses on my left lower abdomen and near the umbilical cord. The ER chief, Dr. Nadler, an Adventist, attends my church, and a father of one of our Preschool student. Coincidence?  No, God had work it out for me.

Dr. Nadler examined my swollen leg and palpated the masses and I see a horrid look on his face. He suspected DVT (blood clot) on my leg but the mass -I have to go through series of tests to determined the diagnosis. I already have a hunch it is the dreaded disease “Cancer”.  All afternoon, the nursing staff were busy taking blood test, setting up IVs, X-rays, ultrasound, EKG, vital signs. Oh yes, don’t forget CT scan and biopsy. Heparin drip, heart monitor and bone marrow test. I was hospitalized for 6 days.

How do I break the news to my family, friends and colleagues and especially to Charlene why I was hospitalized?  Excruciating thought!  What about my prognosis? Waiting for the result of the biopsy is like waiting for a verdict, live or die. I have oceans of feelings and questions-like why me?  What did  I do to deserve this?  I run 2 miles 3 times a week.? I go to church, read the Bible, pray faithfully? Denial and disbelief!

October 22—”You have NHL - Non Hodgkin Lymphoma-B cell. Thanks God it is not an Ovarian Cancer” my attending doctor said. I was in total shock.  I could not breath! I don’t want to be a cancer victim. I wanted to scream.  Why!  Yesterday I was normal, today I am a cancer patient survivor. I feel traumatized!

How do I tell Charlene?  Please God, help me and comfort Charlene. We cried and hug together but I know her FEAR - the fear of the unknown. Charlene’s eyes are puffy and red. Will I loose my mom too?  My precious family are all in Malaysia. I felt alone in a foreign country without a support of immediate family. I wanted to be protected. I wanted my Papa and Ina to comfort me. My parents passed away 7 years ago. I wanted my little sis to hug me and talk to me face to face. It took me two weeks before I had the courage to tell my family in Malaysia. I sensed the worst worry in my sis’ voice.  Maybe she was shaking and in disbelief too. I told her, not to worry, “the medical is so advance here.” I explained to her, while cancer is a very serious disease, Lymphoma at Stage 2 is very curable.

Miracle happened! God gave me peace.  When I trusted in divine power, the answers were right there. Mat 7:7. ”Seek and you will find”…..TO BE CONTINUED

Love om gapus (hug)
Julie Gibbs